**Please take a few deep breaths to center yourself, light a candle, and do what you need to do in order to create an atmosphere of intentional worship**
GREETING
OPENING SONG
Sing Praise to God Who Reigns Above UMH#126(lyrics below)
OPENING PRAYER {by enfleshed}
Gracious God, we come this day seeking courage and hope for the future. Our world is in such peril. Heal these wounds and quiet the words of hate. Help us to be those who bring peace in our families and communities. Banish the shadows of doubt and fear; anoint us with your peace and love that we may spread the good news of your mercy to everyone. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
SPECIAL MUSIC
Morning Has Brokenarr. Fred Bock – Meredith Kuehl on organ; Liz Raihala on piano
SCRIPTURE
Matthew 18: 15-20 (NRSV)
15 “If another member of the church[a] sins against you,[b] go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.[c] 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”
SERMON
Let us pray: New every morning is your love, great God of light, and all day long you are working for good in the world. Stir up in us a desire to serve you, to live peacefully with our neighbors, and to devote each day to your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Lord. Amen.
When I was in seminary, we were required to take a class called Pastoral Care and Counseling. In this class, we learned tips and tricks to help people in our future congregations and were drilled about how we are not professional therapists. But that didn’t mean that we couldn’t help people if they came to seek some minor counseling on life issues they are facing.
One thing that all humans face is conflict, which often leads to fighting. And in our pastoral care and counseling class, I’ll never forget this, our professor asked us to think about how our parent’s fought because that was a pretty good indicator of how we, ourselves, would handle conflict, anger, and frustration.
When I did some personal reflection of my own family, I saw tendencies throughout my past of how I would like my parents did. My mom was passive-aggressive when she fought and would bring up past mistakes of the offender. My father, being a recovering alcoholic, was explosive and would often leave for days at a time. And I saw those tendencies in me as I grew up.
As a kid, however, I always vowed to never grow up to fight like my parents because I didn’t like it. And through working with many therapists and professionals, I feel good about how I have evolved when it comes to engaging with conflict in my personal and professional life. But I am nowhere near perfect, but I am definitely leagues away from where I was. And now, I am actually a person who enjoys conflict resolution because I like the resolution more than I like the conflict.
Conflict is messy and uncomfortable. We don’t like things that make us feel uncomfortable or make us feel ashamed because those are negative feelings. However, when it comes to conflict, we tend to get paralyzed by those feelings and we turn away from dealing with our issues, or we revert to unhealthy tendencies when engaging with conflict, and we lose sight of the resolution part of conflict resolution.
And when we dive into our Scripture today, it is the Scripture that is used here in Minnesota with the Rule of Christ training that I know this church has done previously.
And there is some great stuff in here, so let’s take a look.
Right before we get into Jesus telling you to go someone who has sinned against you, he addresses the disciples who have asked Jesus who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus replies that those who are like a child are greatest and then goes into a whole litany of what should happen to a person that causes a little one to stumble. It’s a whole list of introspective things that includes, if your hands, feet, and eyes cause you to stumble, it’ better for you to dispose of them and enter the kingdom with one arm, foot, or eye than to be eternally separated from God.
Then Jesus tells the disciples that if a member of the church sins against you, it is your duty to go and tell that person how they have sinned against you in private.
If the offender does not repent and seek reconciliation, then you should grab one or two trusted people with you and try again. If that fails, then you are to take it to the church. Finally, if that fails and the offender has not righted the wrong and returned to the community, then you are to treat them like a Gentile or tax collector.
Conflict in the church has always been. In the early church the main conflict was over circumcision as it was a sign of the covenant of God with Israel. So those who came from a Jewish background, understood this as an important step in marking the covenantal relationship with God and God’s people. However, those who were not Jewish – Gentiles – did not have this tradition and it was unimportant to them in marking their covenantal relationship with God because they understood baptism to be that mark.
Today, conflict looks a little different but it still revolves around who is in and who is out. Often times, the conflict results from some level of policing, or guarding, that happens around what is right and what is wrong that has been determined by someone in power within the church.
The United Methodist Church has been in conflict over the last several decades around our doctrinal standards and how we will interact and engage with our LGBTQ+ siblings. And this conflict at the greater level has trickled down into the local churches and has caused a lot of unrest for laity and clergy alike.
Not to mention, our political culture here and now. You all know and feel how divided our nation is and probably know first hand the conflict that occurs online and offline.
So how do we handle it? How do we engage in the conflict that we find ourselves in?
Matthew gives us a pretty good layout for how to interact and engage with one another. And we must first recognize that the whole point of conflict resolution is to restore community. Being bound together in community is the very core of what it means to be Christian. We are bound together through our baptismal covenant that invites us into this larger family. And families are beautiful and messy and complex and sacred.
And this family is no different. And when there is conflict, there is broken community. When one of us suffers, we all suffer. So we must work towards resolving our conflict for the overall health of God’s beloved community. For when there is conflict between one or more of us, the rest of the community suffers. When there is conflict at Hope UMC, we suffer in doing our mission of growing in love of God and neighbor, reaching new people, and healing a broken world.
So how do we work through it?
First and foremost, you must go to God in prayer. Before we get into anything from our Scripture, we must do what is expected in the earlier passages prior and to do some self-examination and reflection. We must go to God in prayer, first and always.
I operate under a 24/48 hour rule. If you have a conflict with me, feel free to write your email or letter and then wait 24 hours. This gives you time to go to God in prayer to see if this is something you can let go, discern what part you play in the conflict (because as my mother always told me, it takes two to tango), and to determine what God wants you to do.
If after 24 hours of praying about the matter, you still have conflict with me, please let me know. Send me an email, text, phone call, letter, however. Let me know. And then give grace and space, of up to 48 hours, for a response or an invitation into deeper conversation. This allows me, or the other party, to spend some time in prayer and reflection so that I, or they, are not responding out of a place of hurt.
The 48-hour portion of how I operate gets us into where Jesus is coming from when he instructs you to go to someone who has sinned against you. And I wanted to break this down.
When someone sins against you, Charles Hambick-Stowe of Feasting on the Word, explains that this isn’t a matter of a difference of opinion; rather, a sin breaks community, a sin is something that injures/harms another member of the body of Christ.
A difference of opinion is something like: I prefer coffee over tea or I believe that pineapple does belong on pizza. While some people may be offended, these statements do not negate a person’s value or worth in the greater Kingdom, they do not break community or injure someone.
A sin, however, does break community and would be someone spreading rumors about you and blaspheming your character. Sin would be making a scene about someone’s dress during church. Or treating people unkindly because they suggest an idea that isn’t the way we have always done it.
Sin breaks community.
So, when someone sins against you, it is the responsibility of the victim to inform the offender. And this may seem counterintuitive, however, it is because the offender may not know that they have caused harm and broken community. It’s just like if I cause harm, there’s a very high chance that I didn’t know that my words or demeanor caused harm, so I can’t repent or seek forgiveness if I don’t know that I have done something wrong.
Against popular belief, ordination does not grant pastors mind-reading powers. So if there is an issue with me and my leadership, I invite you to share the truth in love.
And when you go to someone who has harmed you, you also need to speak the truth in love. A great framework for this is as follows:
1. Go to the person
a. Use “I” statements – I am hurt because of x,y,z.
This allows you to name your feelings and take ownership of your story and how you are hurt.
b. Ouch/Oops
Going to the person and using ‘I’ statements allows you to say, “Ouch! What you did/say hurt me.” And it allows the other person the opportunity to say, “Oops! I’m sorry.”
c. No casting stones – refrain from using “you” statements
Using ‘you’ statements like ‘you did x,y,z’ automatically causes the other person to go on the defense because the use of ‘you’ is blaming.
When we go to someone and they refuse to acknowledge the harm they have caused or participate in being restored to the community, then we are to get a couple of other people to come with us who can verify and add testimony to the actions taken.
Now, the people you choose to come with you MUST be neutral third parties. If you are married and take your spouse with you to resolved a conflict, your spouse cannot remain unbiased in the situation and it causes more conflict than it does resolution. In the church, this is where our committee structures comes in handy, specifically the SPRC.
After you go to someone who has caused you harm, and you’ve brought people with you, and there is still no resolution, Jesus instructs you to take it to the church. Now, shaming and blaming in the public square is unhelpful, so when Jesus says you take the conflict to the church, he is saying that you are to get the church leaders and resources involved in helping resolve the conflict. Again, for us in at Hope UMC, that would mean getting the pastor involved as necessary or reaching out to our District Superintendent (who is trained in conflict resolution) to help you out. But only after the first two steps have proven to be unfruitful in resolution.
And then if, after going to the church, doesn’t work, then Jesus tells us to treat that person (or persons) as a Gentile or tax collector.
Typically, folks feel that this gives them a passage to just brush off the offender then but this means the exact opposite of that. How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? He invited them to be disciples. So we are to continue to treat the offender with love and compassion.
However, there is point at which the harmful behavior is abusive and dangerous. And God wants all of their children to flourish in life abundant. So please hear and know that boundaries are absolutely necessary and needed in order to provide life and abundance to you as the victim.
When conflict arises in our lives, we must be brave to name it and to work through it. Fighting like a Christian means that we are always seeking restoration within and to the community as a whole. Our greatest law and commandment is to love our neighbor, and we must do what we can to work towards restoration. Which means, that we all must be open to hearing and changing behavior because we have all caused harm at some point or another.
Charles Hambrick-Stowe made an interesting observation in Feasting on the Word about how we handle conflict in North American churches. He said, “In North America, hurts are commonly dealt with people getting mad and leaving the church in anger to join the church down the street….but death still has dominion because God’s grace is thwarted.”
Getting mad and leaving never allows for reconciliation to happen. Leaving doesn’t allow the other party to know that they have caused harm and need to change behavior or it never allows a victim the opportunity to name their hurt. This in turn thwarts God’s grace because the two parties are never going to be able to reconcile.
Now, if you go through this whole pattern of conflict resolution and find that a change in relationship is the necessary outcome, then so be it. God adds blessing to that and understands. However, as God’s people, who are made to be in covenantal community and relationship with one another and with God, we can’t start at leaving.
So my challenge for you, is to fight like Christ. Always show up with the goal of restoring the community, seek out in love, speak your truth, and be bold in doing the hard work. Restoration is not easy. It takes time, patience, and whole lot of grace.
The call to discipleship means being willing to change and be transformed. And conflict, while unpleasant while we are in the middle of it, is transformative. It teaches us a lot about us and about others. So may we be willing to resolve our conflict in the way of Christ. Amen.
OFFERING
Your financial gifts help support the ministry of Hope UMC to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. There are two ways to give back to God.
Mail: Hope UMC, 301 St Marie Street, Duluth, MN 55803
Online: www.hopemethodistchurch.com/giving
SONG
Make Me a Channel of Your Peace TFWS #2171 (lyrics below)
PASTORAL PRAYER & THE LORD’S PRAYER
Lord of light, in the midst of shadows and fear, you call us to be a community of peace, love and hope. You remind us of the blessings we have and the opportunities to share those blessings with others. We praise and thank you for all these things and for your constant presence with us. Today, as a community seeking peace and healing, we offer the names of loved ones who are struggling with illness, with loss, with feelings of alienation and fear. We name these dear ones aloud in this congregation through the comment section that all may enter the prayer for these people, seeking your healing and hope in their lives. Let us share our concerns with this community of faith. [Prayers of concern are offered here]. As we have lifted up our concerns, we also offer messages of love and rejoicing. Let us offer prayers of Thanksgiving and Joy in this community of faith. [Prayers of joy are offered here]. Lord, we thank you for your healing mercies and your sustaining love for us. We are confident in your abiding presence with us. Help us to be faithful to you in all times and in all places. Give us the grace to accept the forgiveness you have offered to each of us. For it is in Jesus’ name that we offer this prayer. AMEN.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever, Amen.
CLOSING SONG
We Are Called TWFS #2172 (lyrics below)
CLOSING BLESSING {by enfleshed}
Family in Christ, God has given us the power to do things differently.
Made in the image of Divine Life, we are creative people.
May we depart from one another encouraged to break old patterns,
to disrupt legacies of violence,
and to prioritize love that sets free above all else.
The Spirit will accompany us with peace.
POSTLUDE
SONG LYRICS
